Thursday, August 16, 2007

Here’s a little diversion for the readers. The Oracle of Starbucks will tell you secrets about your personality when you enter your usual coffee order into their algorithm and click the submit button. Sort of a twisted caffine influenced horoscope. My usual order these days is a double shot vanilla latte. Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Ass-clown

You tell people that you're an executive at your company. You think that your repeated references to being "addicted" to caffeine make you seem intriguing and dangerous. People think you're a sucker because you spend 60% of your annual income at Starbucks. Everyone who drinks vanilla double shot latte ends up addicted to crack.

Also drinks: Zima

Can also be found at: Karaoke bars

I’d have to say that’s about 50% accurate, although the last time I had a Zima was in 1986. Have fun with it.


Anonymous said...

Hey, I got ass-clown too! Coincidence....or ?

Mark said...

They're not all the same. I put in my tall iced coffee order and the Oracle pronounced me "lame", with a description of my lameness.

erin said...

So, I played with this site for a bit ... probably because I take my coffee drinking way too seriously, but that's pretty well-documented. After learning of my heretofore undiscovered "fat, high maintenence lameness" and my proclivity for karaoke, based on different combinations of espresso, vanilla and skim milk, I decided to put in some off-the-menu SB drinks. I discovered that as long as you got the size right, you could input anything from a tall spiced rum to a grande moonshine from your local SB and still receive a fortune from the omnicient soothsayer. Nice.

Erica said...

I still read this thing although I never leave a trace of my presence, but I had to with this one. Perhaps if you doubted your intuition about me, its been validated. Love, your kindred spirit:

I order a tall coffee with extra room.

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: High Maintenance

You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.

Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars

Mark said...

Maybe Starbucks is planning a new group of coffee drinks with liquor, for those really rough mornings.

Mark said...

I wouldn't put too much faith in the angry starbucks cup oracle, although the trendy martini bar thing is interesting. P.S. I don't think any of your friends are plotting to kill you, but after all what do I know? The Oracle has deemed me an "ass-clown".

Erica said...

I thought you were plotting to kill me? No? Well then I am ok.

Toe said...

"Everyone who drinks venti beeeeeer ends up addicted to crack. Either you can't type or you mumble incoherently. If you actually walked into Starbucks and said you wanted a "venti beeeeer" the employees would point and laugh."

Prescient observation