Sadness

Many, if not most of you are aware that my beautiful wife made the crossing to a better place on January 29, 2007 due to the presence of a previously undiscovered malformed blood vessel in her brain stem which ruptured after she went into labor. There was no warning and her pregnancy was by all accounts completely normal. Our son, Jack Becket Rutkowski was born by c-section and is a healthy and vibrant fellow. My intense grief at losing my life-partner is tempered by the realization that I have this beautiful gift that Becky left me and he is truly the center of my life now. The following is the printed version of the eulogy delivered by Kristin Bremmer at her funeral mass. I personal tribute by me will follow when I think I can write it. Thank you all for your support during this trying time.

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I can’t possibly put into words the searing pain that I feel now. Becky was my best friend for the last 20 years and the loss that we all feel is a measure of the depth of the impact her life had on all of our lives. It is truly a tremendous honor that Becky’s family has asked me to speak here today.

Out of everyone we knew, Becky always had it together. She was the smartest, the prettiest and the kindest; but, she was also the most unassuming. She was the most beautiful person on the inside and the out. She was the quiet rock in the midst of a bunch of loud mouths. We would laugh that she was our front man because she made us all look better.

Becky was a true friend.

Her kind gentle soul was always there for us. She was there for the highest highs and the lowest lows. She took care of us. Becky understood friendship and we were fortunate that she was in our lives. To me – Becky was a true friend, a confidante, and a sister. With Becky as a friend, I never felt alone – she was a comfort, an ear to listen, and a soft voice of compassion. Becky’s friendship changed me – I learned to trust in my friends and I learned how deeply friends care.

Becky loved her family.

In my years with Becky, I learned of her deep love for her family despite long distances. Mr. and Mrs. Z. recently traveled to my hometown to investigate moving closer to Mark and Becky. The love they have for their daughter and the excitement of a new grandchild was evident. I selfishly hoped they would move to Pennsylvania so I could see Mark and Beck more frequently. Becky spoke often of her sibling’s expanding families – to her – family was an essential part of who she was. Her relationship with her sisters, Chris and Ann, and her brother, Adam, always seemed so much more -- they were her friends. And, she delighted in their children.

Becky was a great lawyer.

What characterized Becky were her principles. She put her beliefs into practice. She was an activist. She protested against those things that conflicted with her principles. During conversations with her she always directed you toward the most ethical view without being judgmental. Her gentle presence made her arguments all the more convincing because you knew they were coming from the right place.

Becky viewed her career as a public defender as a calling. She represented the poor, the troubled, those that society had thrown away. She was all about compassion, mercy, and justice. She believed that all people had dignity – that all people, no matter what they had done – had worth and deserved a voice, an advocate. She went into law, and, specifically, into criminal defense, to serve the poor, to serve the outcasts, to insure fairness and dignity and justice. She saw the good in all people and her gentle kindness, keen intelligence touch the lives of the hundreds of people she represented.

Becky was a great wife.

Mark and Becky have always been one word – one person. Their marriage was truly the merging of two people. They set the example of commitment. They made it through good times and bad and their love always came out on top. She viewed marriage as a union greater than herself. Everyone would agree that Mark is truly the luckiest man alive to have had Becky by his side.

In the last nine months Becky has literally been beaming with joy. I’ve never seen Becky happier than she was last Saturday. She was laughing with her friends, talking about her family, and discussing baby names. It was clear how much she loved her baby. I know she is smiling down upon Jack from Heaven. She is not to worry because he is the most loved child ever. Jack is truly a miracle and is blessed to have Becky for a mother because her beauty, intelligence and loving presence is passed down to him.

Mark, I know your loss is profound. You are not alone. Everyone here shares that loss with you. We love Becky and we love you. You are surrounded by a large circle of family and friends.