Happy New Year

The Patriot has been quiet lately, partly out of post-holiday anomie, partly because things at work have picked up, partly because I’m sick of commenting as the country slides into the toilet and the world into sectarian anarchy. But anyway…

I have tried to keep my personal life out of the discussions here because, as my wife is fond of pointing out, it’s not all about me. Yet as the date of my child’s birth draws closer I find that I am much less interested in playing pundit than I am in meditating on what is truly important in life, the nature of fatherhood, mortality, and which stroller goes with what car seat. B’s due date is February 10, 2007, a scant five weeks from now. I think part of the reason for this has to do with the fact that for several months I have been in a state of denial about the looming reality of parenthood. Me? Have a child? Ridiculous. As a 38 year old New York City male I have allowed myself a quite care-free Generation X lifestyle which eschewed responsibility at every turn. I wasn’t quite capable of taking care of myself, let alone a small being who will have to rely on me for its very existence.

I trotted off to law school at age 29, blissfully unaware of the financial hardships and marital stress such a decision would create, especially since my similarly unaware spouse did the same thing a year ahead of me. Now after five years of abject misery as a litigation attorney, dealing with the most intensely irritating people one could ever imagine, I’ve taken a step back and accepted a more or less non-legal position where I have the relative freedom of an eight hour work day which leaves me some life-room contemplate a next step.

So as I stand at the nexus of a career crisis, if all goes well a small baby will leap into my life on February 10 and change my perception of what is truly important and what is just ordinary bullshit. I don’t have any idea what to expect so I’m approaching it with a somewhat Buddhist lack of expectations. Ranting and raving about the screwed up world will continue. After all, the future of the planet seems more important when there you have a more intimate tie to a future generation. One wishes the jerk-offs running the show could embrace a similar perspective.