Drop the Chalupa

Oh Lord, its getting on a week since I last posted here. Since the election my heart hasn’t been in it, I’m afraid. The holidays are upon us and I’m experiencing my annual holiday induced depression brought on by the incessant crush of people in lower Manhattan buying every conceivable thing in sight and looking like crazed crack addicts as they rifle through the bins at Century 21. The end of the diving season and the dark weather aren’t helping much either. Some days I feel like throwing in the towel, getting a job on Wall Street and buying a Play Station 2. It would be so easy to slip under the waves in the sea of pre-Christmas advertising and become absorbed by the briny depths of American consumerism. New car, caviar, four star daydream…..ah, screw it.

Well it’s good to know that there are some constants in our ever changing world. One constant is the fact that Taco Bell is a reliable vector for e-coli. The 50 or so individuals currently shitting out their intestines in New Jersey and Long Island probably never thought too much about where the ground “beef” was coming from in their Nachos Bel Grande. As someone who has recently recovered from a debilitating food-borne illness, and having done some recent research on the safety of the United States food supply I can attest to the fact that cavalierly grazing around town at the likes of Burger Thing, Pizza Slut and Taco Hell is a recipe for disaster. Get it? Recipe for disaster?

It turns out that the current e-coli outbreak isn’t the first for the venerable Taco Bell. In fact, a previous outbreak a few years ago caused the chain to begin shipping all of their ground beef to the stores fully cooked. Looks like someone was sleeping at the ground-beef-cooking-machine.

So, what's in all that ground beef found in the country’s tacos and hamburgers anyway? As we learned from fast food nation, the ground beef used in the fast food world comes from the meat of worn-out dairy cows (generally the least healthy cattle stock), who spend their days packed in feedlots full of pools of manure. Each burger/taco contains parts of dozens or even hundreds of cows, increasing the likelihood that a sick one will spread its pathogens widely.

Until 1997, those cows, by nature designed to be herbivorous, were fed "livestock waste" including the rendered remains of dead sheep and cattle, along with the remains of millions of dead cats and dogs purchased every year from animal shelters. Fortunately the law was changed: Now they're fed only the remains of horses, pigs and poultry.

Taco Bell said it worked with health officials to have the affected restaurants inspected and reopened. In an unfortunately worded public statement, Taco Bell’s spokesperson Tim Jerzyk reassured a jittery public by commenting that , "The E. coli strain appears to have passed through our system," Passed through our system? I suppose he wouldn’t think it so funny if he was the one of the unfortunate customers who experienced the sudden onset of abdominal pain and severe cramps, followed within 24 hours by bloody diarrhea after enjoying a poisonous Crunchwrap Supreme.

Oh well, I’m sure that Taco Bell is ready to return to serving the wonderful meals Taco Bell consumers have come to know and love, which feature only trace amounts of animal feces. Hasta la vista.